what have I become?...

fucking hell
I'm getting really pissed now
I'm happy then sad happy then sad
I can never stay wif one emotion for a couple of hours
let alone a whole day

fucking hell man.
Why can't him/her/it/they just leave me alone

there's no one out there that understands me
they just sit there and listen
and attempt to symphathise me or cheer me up
but honestly. they dont know what I'm talking
because I, myself dont even understand myself properly

ive let myself down once again
and its gonna continue happening became of my lack or perservation
and laziness.

I need to change myself
I want to cange myself
I CAN change myself

but I choose to be like others
even though I know its wrong
ive driven myself into the wrong path
and there's no way of getting out
unless I make a change

I get upset/hurt/annoyed at the smallest of tiniest things
if peope dont tell me things. I get pissed
because I care about that person and
I wanna help, If I could but when peope say no
it just hurts and then I return to this place.
blogspot.
where everything and everyone is depressing

I make wrong decisions
I choose to follow others
I sometimes can't even make a decision myselfand ask other to do it for me
and ocassionally people would say 'make your decision. its your life'

but my life isnt about myself
its bout the peope around me and the ones I care for
I just can't bare to think living with no one to be there for me
to cheer me up
to make me laugh
to listen to me
to give me advice
to be who I am.
but I dont know who i am.
I seriously dont. i can't even find one word to describe myself
honestly.

peope walk in and out in my life
the ones who leave cared for me.
and then stopped. And left

the ones who walk in
will most probably do the same
who knows.you can't tell just by judging them
you shouldnt judge them in the first place

I wanna go back to school
why is it when I'm at school. I have a great time
and then as soon as I get home
everything changes. like full on changes

I blame MSN

countless depressing blogs >___<
eve though ive only written like 8 blogs

I'm stuck here.
I can't even smile anymore :(

c..heeri..o
*sigh