I wanna run away.

I hate it.
I hate people talking about me.
I hate people hiding stuff from me.
I'm always the last person to know everything.
Well, I'm not perfect. I'm not the center of attention.
Not everything revolves around me.

---=======================================---

What are you trying to do ?
Your doing nothing, but hurting me.
Your not getting anything out of it.
Please, leave me alone.

.............

I'm useless..

Title says it all.
now let me explain

why do I think.. actually
How do I know that I'm useless..

observe.. well read

family- I'm a useless family member.
why? I make my parents suffer
They work so hard full time. 6 days a week. and yet I still sit on my rear end everyday on msn/myspace/fb.
my brother and sister probs don't even like me. I yell at them 24/7. for no reason. 
They, are not perfect. But look at you Theresa. NEITHER ARE YOU !
I love my family very much.
But I don't deserve the same love, I just don't 

friends- erm. Like I have any? 
I sit and watch.
like everything in front of me is a movie.
Other people are out there, enjoying life, solving their problems, breaking up, hooking up. whatever.
I'm here, by myself, Watching and observing. 
I don't deserve to have friends. Because I'm not one myself.
And please don't come up to me and say. 
'theresa, you have heaps of friends. what are you talking bout.'

Well thank you very much for attempting to cheer me up. but I'm sorry to say. but you fail. 
Friends is a complicated thing. they walk in and out ( how many times have I said that aye ) I cbf describing what they are, Because I'm at the bakery and like I have 20% of battery left.
But yeah. the word 'friend' isn't really part of my dictionary because the real meaning is meant to be shown by that person. and so far, not many people have shown that. 
but there is one person who has.

my best friend- he is just amazing and is the real meaning of a best friend. he is always there for me. and supports me. I really appreciate it, but why is that I can't do the same for him?
I can't cheer him up. I can't help him with his problems. I can't provide him my support. I don't know why he calls me his best friend. I don't deserve him.


I kinda need to wash my face cos like I don't wanna be like asked by parents 
WHY THE FUCK YOU CRYING @ THE BAKERY FOR ?!
Oh yeah. I don't even work. I just sit there and watch. Like right now, sitting down writing my blog via iPod. 
So sad..


Btw. listen to this song :
Ina - fall
the lyrics are just so beautiful.



But yeah..
Uhm, thanks for reading?

been a while;

haven't written a blog for a while
so much things been happening ..
tests and assignments
fucking piano exam. which I failed..
grr.ffs, I lost my tv remote again =__=

I feel uncertain bout my life
its like, I know that some things will turn out bad in the future
but people reassure me that they won't
I wanna believe them.. but I just dont seem too..


nothing else to say.
good morning.

im sorry

oh gee. I hate lieing
espcially to my parents.
Man what have I become?
so much influence around me
making me a person I don't wanna be.

my mum gave me a lecture bout boys and not to be friends with them
and she said promise me you won't do that
I said yes. but I know ive broken that promise already.
I can't help it.
she and my dad have high expectations on me aye.
well. Like all parents do.

but like, mine expect me to be the top student
fail already
the expect me to focus more on school then friends especially boys
epic fail.
they expect me to be a good example for my little siblings
pure fail.

I just don't deserve anything.
Ive been lieing so much to them
I wanna tell them I'm sorry.
but I just can't.

ive let myself AND my parents down
I'm sorry :(



---------------
oh and edwin wants his name in my blog
so here it is :

edwin kujawski :]




and no. we're not going out >___<


:]] goodbye

.

I want to tell you.
But i can't.
Because those words I wanna say.
Will make no sense or difference to you
I lost my chance. and I'll probably wont get it again
no one will ever get to hear those words that I wanna say to you from me...
they wont care anyways. and I guess. neither will you
fml.

_____________________


I have my piano exams tomrw.
And I do no guarantee myself I will get an A
or even a B
fml even more.


butbutbut!
I found my tv remote ^___^
chyeaah. Missing for a week and two days
hehe. I'm gay ;D

rahrahrah;

du ma-ing hell.
dont fucking judge me.

grrr. I hate it.
I hate you.
I hate life.

either. be my friend
or 'try' to be my friend
you dont have to judge me =___=

rahrahrah rage :@

and mum said I have to turn all electronics off @ 9 now.
loook mum, Its 9:57pm
:D



fuck. I really need to put myself together.
@_____@'

WHY

why do always have this feeling ?
this feeling inside of me.
like, everybody is living and enjoying life
while im here, sitting at my computer
staring at the screen
24/7?

its like, everybody has their own life.
and have left me behind, trying to do this on my own.

why ?
why do i always feel this way ?
why ? does god intend me to feel it ?




i just feel so lonely.



i neeed to get a life.
seriously.

what have I become?...

fucking hell
I'm getting really pissed now
I'm happy then sad happy then sad
I can never stay wif one emotion for a couple of hours
let alone a whole day

fucking hell man.
Why can't him/her/it/they just leave me alone

there's no one out there that understands me
they just sit there and listen
and attempt to symphathise me or cheer me up
but honestly. they dont know what I'm talking
because I, myself dont even understand myself properly

ive let myself down once again
and its gonna continue happening became of my lack or perservation
and laziness.

I need to change myself
I want to cange myself
I CAN change myself

but I choose to be like others
even though I know its wrong
ive driven myself into the wrong path
and there's no way of getting out
unless I make a change

I get upset/hurt/annoyed at the smallest of tiniest things
if peope dont tell me things. I get pissed
because I care about that person and
I wanna help, If I could but when peope say no
it just hurts and then I return to this place.
blogspot.
where everything and everyone is depressing

I make wrong decisions
I choose to follow others
I sometimes can't even make a decision myselfand ask other to do it for me
and ocassionally people would say 'make your decision. its your life'

but my life isnt about myself
its bout the peope around me and the ones I care for
I just can't bare to think living with no one to be there for me
to cheer me up
to make me laugh
to listen to me
to give me advice
to be who I am.
but I dont know who i am.
I seriously dont. i can't even find one word to describe myself
honestly.

peope walk in and out in my life
the ones who leave cared for me.
and then stopped. And left

the ones who walk in
will most probably do the same
who knows.you can't tell just by judging them
you shouldnt judge them in the first place

I wanna go back to school
why is it when I'm at school. I have a great time
and then as soon as I get home
everything changes. like full on changes

I blame MSN

countless depressing blogs >___<
eve though ive only written like 8 blogs

I'm stuck here.
I can't even smile anymore :(

c..heeri..o
*sigh

leave me alone, emotions ><

fucking hell man .
what's wrong with me ?
sad. happy. sad. hypo. depressed. happy. sad
=___________='


grrr. du ma

fuck. toi muon khoc bay gio >__<
and please dont come to me and ask 'what's wrong'
cos I won't tell u..

rant;

OI THERESAA! IM TELLING ON YOU! :O:O!

whaaat?? =.=

BECAUSE YOU SAID WHATT! HAHAHAH ROFLMAO

grrr. >___<

omfggg.

dont you just get annoyedd ?

little brothers and sisters are pests.

they annoy the tic tac [:D] outta me..

oi theresa, do this for me.

oi theresa, do that for me.

oi theresa, get that for me.

oi theresa, whats the answer for this ?

oi theresa, what do i do ?

oi theresa, where did i put it ? LIKE WTH? how am i s'psed to know ?

oi theresa, where did YOU put it?

oi theresa, whats 1+1? two? no, a window

oi theresa, whats 1+1? window ? no, 2

oi theresa... what? nothing.

oi theresa, uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, never mind

oi theresa, mum told you to do this.

oi theresa, look, theres a bird -looks- ha, made you loook, dirty choook !

oi theresa, come down stairs with me. its tooooooooo darkkk ><

oi theresa, stand over there while i do this..

OI LITTLE BROTHER!

GET A LIFEEEEE! AND STOP ANNOYING ME! T___________T

grrrrr. little brothers man *sighhh

put my little brother and your little brother/sister in a room together ;DD

and bam, they're like best friends. and they muck around like they've known each other since in their mummys tummys

and the arguements we have.

one just happened like 10 minutes ago @_@

oi theresa, mum says its the 26th today. isnt it the 25th?

no, its the 25th, i just checked like 2 seconds ago

no it not. its the 25th. it was the 24th yesterday

noooo =.= its the 26tthhh !

omg, its not. its the 25thh

GO CHECK THEN !

-checks- ohhh, right....

whateverr

@_________________@'

yeah, and att times when im angry or busy

they [ as in brother and sister ] would sit on my bed and jump around

i would say STOP.

they stop.. for two seconds

and start again..

STOOPPP!

stops.. for two seconds.

and then start again.

OMGG, STOPPP ITTT ! so loudly, people in antarctica can hear.

and they dont stop and my mum comes shouting at me

STTOPP SHOUTTING THERESAAAAAA!

ITS NOT MY FAULT THEY'RE MUCKING AROUND !

WELL TELL THEM TO STOP.. QUIETLY !

oh yeah, liek i havent tried thatt >_____<

i wish i had an older brother or sister :)

but like, i still want my lil ones. but just another older sibling to.. steal clothes and stuff from :DDD

uhahahah ^____^

AND OMBBBBB!

3 days since my tv remotes been missing :(

yeah, i like my tv remote.

it like controls my mood.

when the tvs on, im happy

if its not, im.. not sad, but not happy :D

i am officially, not human ^______^

coookooo :)

cherrio 8D

:DDD

lalalala.

im finally happy, and back on trackk.

i thinkkk.. :)

no more tears.

no more raging.

no more being depresssedd.

ive learnt heaps over the past weekend.

life is life.

its like a fruit [i got this off malcolm :D]

the skin is hard to peel.

and so are obstacles.

you gotta keep strong to fight through these obstacles to get to the fruit.

*sigh.

i have to admit. lifes complicated.

and no one can ever live it perfectly.

if you do, then your not human.

==========================

omb, i still cant find my tv remote!

D:D:D:D:

its been missing for like 2 days now :(

boohoo!

now, every night, before i sleep. i have to like get up

and unplug the tv cord

not mentioning that my on/off button on the actual tv doesnt even work

:)

heheh.

not my fault.

oh, and i found new earphones... :D:D

under my beeddd O______O

and they actually workk ^^

hehe, chyeaaah :D

and omg.

my goal for the rest of the year is to learn new penspinning trickkks :)

lalalala

cherrioo ^__^

and, you guys actually read this ?

wow,

finally a good day.

7.56pm

haha, lmao

i was watching a video henry sent me

LMAAO :) cheers henrry :D

hmmm, today..

it was alright.

could have been better.

i was feeling down.

for no reason.

but then in science and sose.

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAAY! :)

jakob and his so called 'serious face' HAHHAHA, LMAAAO!

and matt.

he and his fartts man.

FARKIN SMELT LIKE.. FARRTTT!

well, obviously. but like

it stank so much aye. helen even had to stand up :L:L

heheh. nice one matt (Y)

but yeah.

still pissedd aye.

faqqing dance group isnt like faqqing working at all.

cos like i have 2 faqqing phi chaus in my group right.

and all they do is this faqqing phi chau cuc.

>.<

imma fail dance now D:

no wonder we took over your landd :D

hahah, im kdding.

==================================

people been telling me that life aint perfect

and never will be.

life is full of obstacles and stuff.

we gotta keep strong to fight through them.

i know its hard. but with the help of my 'friends'

i'll hopefully be able to succeed.

thanks to all those people who gave advice and comforted me aye.

heaps appreciated. :)

ANDD,

thanks to malcolm for the wise advice :D:D:D

fark you pms >_____<

oh and, FFS. i cant find my tv remote D:

so so sadd :(

ohoh. GO STAN WALKKKER! :)

yes yes, i watch australian idool ^____________^

8.32pm

whoa, lmao x]]

cherrio :)

;

i just dont know anymore.

people just dont give a fking god damn tic tac bout me anymore

they probably never did in the first place.

im not needed here anymore.

people are liars.

" as you grow older, you realise that it is less important to have lots of friends

and more important to have true friends. "

i dont know who mine are anymore.

people would say, im your true friend, i'll always be here for you.

but how do you know they're not lieing.

today was just a waste of time.

no one cared.

i dont wanna face the world anymore.

its just too complicated for me

i know i said before, lifes life and we just gotta deal with it

but, i dont know if i can do it anymore.

some of you may think this is a blog to grab attention

but no, its not.

its what i feel on the inside.

no one will ever understand me perfectly

and i dont expect anybody to.

i give up.

life is..

it doesnt even have a describing word.

right now, I HATE LIFE!

a little bout me;

alright, so youve read my other blogs.

but i bet you, you know little bout mee.

so in this blog. you'll know the real theresa.

and not what i am 'that meets the eye'

:DD

so basics first..

obvioulsy my name is theresa.

who doesnt know that ? :)

i am a nguyen. NGUYENS FTWW!

i have a brother and a sister

both younger than me =.=

yes, they annoy the heck outta me.

but hey, thats life. we deal wif it and its what makes life interesting.

my bday passed like recently. 24th july.

i am literally addicted to my computer.

every morning i wake up. i'll turn it on.

and then as soon as i get home, i'll turn it on.

its like, my top priority :D

but its a habit. a bad bad habit =.=

its one of the reasons i 'failed' my science test.

people think that ...% is good. but to me

thats a fail. since like im nerd 8-) and like. i know i could have done better

im scared of what you guys/girls call 'love'

other people seem to know exactly what it is

and they just seem to fly through it.

with mee, id rather be single and just live life.

im also scared of growing up.

thinking about death, is just.. terrible.

i question. why do we die ?

i get sick of bubbletea really easily.

just cos im asian, doenst mean i like LOVELOVELOVE bubbletea aight ?

its just a stereotype. i walk around and see white people drinking bubbletea.

and it doesnt mean that whites cant drink bubbletea.

what would you do if you were a white [question for asians]

and you were drinking bbt, and an asian came up to you and said.

oi, you cant drunk that. its only for asians..

stereotype much?

i am a veryveryvery sarcastic person.

dont take it seriously when i say un-neccessary stuff.

cos i also get pissed pretty easily.

like everybody else, ive changed alot in the past years .

i used to be those nerds and that would never go anywhere near boys.

this year, since ive met heaps of new people.

i allow myself to be.. myself around everybody.

girl or boys.

music. i could never live without music.

in the car, i have to have the radio on.

on the computer, i have to have itune on.

in bed ^^ i know what your thinking ;]

i have to have my ipod plugged into my ears.

if i dont have music, i would get pissed. and grrr.

i have many pet peeves.

i'll make another blog along the way about pet peeves.

but ones that really piss me off are when :-

- my keyboard stops working. like i would type stuff, but nothing comes up.

like right now ><

- when i press the keys on my piaanno, and they just stay down, even whenn im not touching it.

- PEOPLE WHO USE ONE-WORD RESPONSES. like, hey. keep the convo going?

- people who say true true. eg.

hey, doing anything today?

nope, just stay home, wbu?

probs go shoppping aye.

ahh, true true

like, you really knew that i was going shopping in the first place?

O___O

- people who laugh wen they're telling stories. they're in the midlle of the story, and they say ' nvm, you just had to be there'

- awkward silences.

- people who have viruses, and send these porn links.

cbf thinking atm, i'll make another blog later.

i like the 50c ice creams @ maccas :)

after i eat, i'll say 'i feel sick' or 'i feel fat'

LOOOL 8D

the reason i started blogging is because i just had to tell someone bout 'it' [read first blog]

and like, i couldnt do it any other way, cause i know they couldnt help me

even if they tried. so i decided to just write it down.

so i chose blogspot.

hmmm,

im gonna stop now.

i think i have a habit of writing long blogs that dont really go with the title or subject

;DD

cheerio ^__^

no name;

first of all. good morning ;D
second. if uve read my first post, I still havent figured it out
I guess its not meant to be. life is more interesting that way
and thirdly. I had performing arts with the concert band last night 8-|
yeah, me and my friend, were like.. looking for cute 'asian' guys
but.

there was none! Liek there WERE a few Asian guys
but like they were kinda like the 'nerdy' type
hehe. so mean ;O

overall, our school did pretty good
and and and in our report, that judge dude was like
'excellent start in time to time, with the eggshakers'
guess who that was?

uh-huh. yerp. correcto-mondo ;D
even though I was like meant to play piano. haha
but anyways, was hell tired but pretty surprised I was like still full of energy at the end
even though it was like 9:30?
got home at 10:30. bleeh

anyways, its 7:24 and now I should be getting ready
and I got dentist first thing todaay =.=
wag sose andmaybe maths
fucking maths test as well D:
lalala. cheers for reeading
I know there's like hardly anybody who reads this
but anyways. Cheerio ^___^

bleh;

you know when u get that feeling where you have absolutely no idea what to do?
you just have no clue whats happening and you just want to start a brand new day.
I get these feelings alot and I usually just forget about it and start afresh
this time, I dont even know what I'm confused, happy, sad, grreatful,stressed, joyful or even depressed about
I dont even know what the feeling I have atm is
which is hard.

I've been thinking, and had a thought that school might have some affect on this
last term was kinda a big downhill.
I got low test results. Even if it was only 75%
I know I could have done better and that that's not my best effort
I always got distracted, I would wag classes or like even just staring into space
and not paying attention.
I got quite a few detentions last term as well.
Its not fun and its not helping with anything. peope just go in there and talk.
Like whats the point of that?
this term. I think I have improved a little bit
gradually. Step by step
I've been paying more attention but I still talk
BUT I still manage to finish my work and actually be ahead of the class
nerdd 8-|

on another thought. it might be my family or friend
this year. I've learnt that as you grow older,
its less important to have alot of freinds but its more important
to have true friends. that respect you and your decisions.
I have to admit, not many people are like that
they act as your best friend. and later on
they ask you to do somthing that you dont wanna do and you say no
they complain and turn into a bitch
my family. I used to be so close with themand now since I've started high school
everything has basically changed.
And it isnt the very best changesome changes have made me a lot happier
but some of them, I just wish didnt' change at all.

My family. Just like most Asian families [not being stereotype-y or racist]
they have big expections
especially cos I'm eldest
they raised me as a responsible and loyal child
but now, I dont know what I am anymore
I've become more irresponsible and someone that you wouldn't expect me to be

but yeah. Those are my opinions
and I still havnt figured out what my feeling is
maybe its meant to like this. Not to be figured
a mystery of life
the puzzle with a missing piece
an imcomplete world.

long blog. on a negative-y note
thanks for reading :D
I'm out.